Tuesday, February 28, 2012

Song That Is Helping Through This Time


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To My Future Husband:
I’ve never fought so hard to be with anyone in my life. I’ve fought against other people, the past, against the enemy’s attacks and against my own insecurities. But the whole time I’ve fought with the knowledge and the hope that you and I will be together. That I will be looking into your eyes when we’re old and wrinkly and know that this was the right choice. One that glorifies God. One that brings joy to us every day.

The pain that I’ve suffered to be with you disappears when I’m in your arms.

Monday, February 27, 2012

2 Weeks

So if you look at my last post a lot has changed since then.

Right now I'm not in a relationship. We are taking a 2 week break to see if that is where God is calling us to be in a relationship or are we going to be friends?

It is going to be so hard not being able to see him or talk to him etc. It will get easier every day hopefully.

Yesterday was really hard because I usually go over to his apartment after my classes are done. I can't stand it in my dorm by myself.

I also haven't felt good yesterday and today.

Today will be hard because I usually go over to his work and bring him dinner. I hate it.

There is so many things I could be doing, but I have no drive to do it.

Reading my devotional and reading my bible helps. But I am so frustrated with myself.

I have realized my mistakes in our relationship and he has to.

I really hope and pray that we can make it work. I love him so much. From the moment I saw him there was something different about him from all the guys I have liked in the past. Even though he tells me every girl tells him that.

I have cried every day since Sunday. I want to know how he is doing. Even though I have this feeling he is ok.

I'm not ok. I am struggling. Yes I am trying to remember a time where I was in this same position almost 5 months ago. I can't even remember what I did before he came in the picture. That sounds so pathetic, but it is the truth. I can't picture my life without him here with me.

I miss hugs, kisses on the forehead, and on the lips. I miss cuddling next to him. I miss him tickling me. I miss his companionship. I miss texting when I can't sleep at night. I miss his laughter. I miss his eyes looking at me. I miss his smile. I miss him playing with my hair and me playing with his. I miss our discussions about life. I miss watching tv and/or movies with him. I miss holding your hand.

I love you so much M. And I hate this.

Monday, February 6, 2012


So I'm going to update about my life. 4 years ago I decided to go to a school where nobody from my high school class was going to. It has been an up and down four years. I have gained and lost friends. I have found some of my best friends. I have professors I know I will keep in contact with. I have professors that I won't. I also found who I think may eventually will be my future husband. Yes I just said that.

A year and 5 months ago I met this guy. His eyes were the first thing that captured me. I was like he's cute and I had a crush on him. Then I knew and could tell he had a crush on my friend. I can always tell when guys have crushes on my friends but not on me go figure. So I stopped liking him, but not really. There was just a little crush there always and i tried not to let people see it.My friend had been suggesting I ask him out and I was like no if God wants it to happen it will.

Then 2 weeks before my birthday last year I went home. I was complaining to God all weekend about me being almost 22 with no boyfriend ever. I was like ok God give me a sign or something. The next week I went into where this guy works and I got those feelings again after not seeing him over the summer. It was really busy so I td him I would come see him Saturday night.

Saturday night I go to the movies. Then I go to his work. He is working and has the AL vs FL game on. He gets on to me because the movie I went to go see see he wanted to go see as well. I was like I don't have your number so I program my phone number into his phone.

Then our friend walks in with her parents and they had just seen Courageous. After they had left he asked me if I wanted to go. Me being stupid was like yeah it is next on my movie list. He then asked me to go with him the next day sure thinking it was a friend thing. We decided 3:30.

The next day 2:00 comes around and he calls me and the 3:30 showing is already sold out. The next times were 7 and 7:50. I said either one. He then told well you do want to go to dinner now I was like sure. Me being stupid again thinking friends thing again. So I text our friend and was like so I'm going to the movies with M. She was like yeah you are going on a date. Then I start freaking out. Haha. What to wear!? Etc.

He pulls out all the stops on our date. Opens the doors, prays over our meal, buys the food and movies. We had a great time.

He invited me to come over to his apartment to hang out the next day and we talked and talked. He likes me he really likes me. Haha. We both liked where this was going so he said he wanted to ask my dad permission to date me. Which I almost cried because I wrote down that whoever dates me has to ask my dad.

My family was coming that weekend because it was the weekend for my birthday. Side note I was sick on my birthday so M came to campus and to give me my present. It was so sweet.

So my family met him. Every time he tried to ask my dad something went wrong, but at the end of the day we both knew he approved. He also got to meet my best guy friend that weekend which is pretty major because he is like my big bro.

I then met his family a month later. They made me feel at home with them. 

We have been officially together on Oct. 11th. So almost 4 months. We have had a lot of ups and downs along the road. But what relationship does not have that.

I love him and he loves me. And I never really thought I would be in love and I'm so thankful that I am.

So that's an big update on my life. :)

                                     Me and M at the Deb Ball. :) One of my favorite pictures of us.