Monday, February 27, 2012

2 Weeks

So if you look at my last post a lot has changed since then.

Right now I'm not in a relationship. We are taking a 2 week break to see if that is where God is calling us to be in a relationship or are we going to be friends?

It is going to be so hard not being able to see him or talk to him etc. It will get easier every day hopefully.

Yesterday was really hard because I usually go over to his apartment after my classes are done. I can't stand it in my dorm by myself.

I also haven't felt good yesterday and today.

Today will be hard because I usually go over to his work and bring him dinner. I hate it.

There is so many things I could be doing, but I have no drive to do it.

Reading my devotional and reading my bible helps. But I am so frustrated with myself.

I have realized my mistakes in our relationship and he has to.

I really hope and pray that we can make it work. I love him so much. From the moment I saw him there was something different about him from all the guys I have liked in the past. Even though he tells me every girl tells him that.

I have cried every day since Sunday. I want to know how he is doing. Even though I have this feeling he is ok.

I'm not ok. I am struggling. Yes I am trying to remember a time where I was in this same position almost 5 months ago. I can't even remember what I did before he came in the picture. That sounds so pathetic, but it is the truth. I can't picture my life without him here with me.

I miss hugs, kisses on the forehead, and on the lips. I miss cuddling next to him. I miss him tickling me. I miss his companionship. I miss texting when I can't sleep at night. I miss his laughter. I miss his eyes looking at me. I miss his smile. I miss him playing with my hair and me playing with his. I miss our discussions about life. I miss watching tv and/or movies with him. I miss holding your hand.

I love you so much M. And I hate this.

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