Friday, June 29, 2012

Ablaze on Breaking Up

When I started to read the Ablaze series it was exactly what I needed. I have been struggling for almost 4 months.

My breakup happened about 4 months ago. To say I hit rock bottom is a understatement. This was my first true breakup. I had never had a boyfriend until MAG.  I also thought this was the guy I was going to marry.  I am about to get real honest here ok. Just to tell people.

MAG was my first relationship, my first kiss, etc. To me he was my whole world instead of God for those almost 6 months we were together. I know what you are thinking 6 months is not that long, but it felt like we had been together for much longer then that. Here are a few things I have finally say I have learned about what I need to change about my next relationship.

1. Have that quiet time. Before my relationship with MAG I had a daily quiet time just with me and God. It was where I put on some worship music danced around my room in awe of the Creator of life. I also did Jesus Calling which spoke to somehow every day without fail. During that time I was still.

As it says
Psalm 46:10
He says, “Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth.”

2. Have an accountability partner. I can honestly say I have one of the best accountability  partner. in the world. She is one of my best friends at HC. I do not know where I would be without her in my life. It is killing me that she is in a different state right now and she won't be on campus in the Fall. And not working with me. :(  She was with me through it all. I love you biffle aka LEA!


Matthew 18:20

20 For where two or three gather in my name, there am I with them.”

Those are two things there is more I promise, but I can only think of these 2 right now because I am dead tired. But I will end on these 4 pins I found of pintest not even a few days after me and MAG broke up. I also linked it to my pintrest! :)



Monday, June 11, 2012

This was are devotion today on my first day to sub at CASA the preschool program. I will do a blog post on each of the things the next fifteen days! PLEASE READ!! 

Here is a list of 15 things which, if you give up on them, will make your life a lot easier and much, much happier. We hold on to so many things that cause us a great deal of pain, stress and suffering – and instead of letting them all go, instead of allowing ourselves to be stress free and happy – we cling on to them. Not anymore. Starting today we will give up on all those things that no longer serve us, and we will embrace change. Ready? Here we go:
1. Give up your need to always be right
 There are so many of us who can’t stand the idea of being wrong – wanting to always be right – even at the risk of ending great relationships or causing a great deal of stress and pain, for us and for others. It’s just not worth it. Whenever you feel the ‘urgent’ need to jump into a fight over who is right and who is wrong, ask yourself this question: “Would I rather be right, or would I rather be kind?” Wayne Dyer. What difference will that make? Is your ego really that big?
2. Give up your need for control
Be willing to give up your need to always control everything that happens to you and around you – situations, events, people, etc. Whether they are loved ones, coworkers, or just strangers you meet on the street – just allow them to be. Allow everything and everyone to be just as they are and you will see how much better will that make you feel.

“By letting it go it all gets done. The world is won by those who let it go. But when you try and try. The world is beyond winning.” Lao Tzu
3. Give up on blame
 Give up on your need to blame others for what you have or don’t have, for what you feel or don’t feel. Stop giving your powers away and start taking responsibility for your life.
4. Give up your self-defeating self-talk
 Oh my. How many people are hurting themselves because of their negative, polluted and repetitive self-defeating mindset? Don’t believe everything that your mind is telling you – especially if it’s negative and self-defeating. You are better than that.
“The mind is a superb instrument if used rightly. Used wrongly, however, it becomes very destructive.” Eckhart Tolle
5. Give up your limiting beliefs
about what you can or cannot do, about what is possible or impossible. From now on, you are no longer going to allow your limiting beliefs to keep you stuck in the wrong place. Spread your wings and fly!
“A belief is not an idea held by the mind, it is an idea that holds the mind” Elly Roselle
6. Give up complaining
 Give up your constant need to complain about those many, many, maaany things – people, situations, events that make you unhappy, sad and depressed. Nobody can make you unhappy, no situation can make you sad or miserable unless you allow it to. It’s not the situation that triggers those feelings in you, but how you choose to look at it. Never underestimate the power of positive thinking.
7. Give up the luxury of criticism
Give up your need to criticize things, events or people that are different than you. We are all different, yet we are all the same. We all want to be happy, we all want to love and be loved and we all want to be understood. We all want something, and something is wished by us all.
8. Give up your need to impress others
Stop trying so hard to be something that you’re not just to make others like you. It doesn’t work this way. The moment you stop trying so hard to be something that you’re not, the moment you take off all your masks, the moment you accept and embrace the real you, you will find people will be drawn to you, effortlessly.
9. Give up your resistance to change
 Change is good. Change will help you move from A to B. Change will help you make improvements in your life and also the lives of those around you. Follow your bliss, embrace change – don’t resist it.
“Follow your bliss and the universe will open doors for you where there were only walls” 
Joseph Campbell
10. Give up labels
 Stop labeling those things, people or events that you don’t understand as being weird or different and try opening your mind, little by little. Minds only work when open. “The highest form of ignorance is when you reject something you don’t know anything about.” Wayne Dyer
11. Give up on your fears
Fear is just an illusion, it doesn’t exist – you created it. It’s all in your mind. Correct the inside and the outside will fall into place.
“The only thing we have to fear, is fear itself.”
 Franklin D. Roosevelt
12. Give up your excuses
Send them packing and tell them they’re fired. You no longer need them. A lot of times we limit ourselves because of the many excuses we use. Instead of growing and working on improving ourselves and our lives, we get stuck, lying to ourselves, using all kind of excuses – excuses that 99.9% of the time are not even real.
13. Give up the past
I know, I know. It’s hard. Especially when the past looks so much better than the present and the future looks so frightening, but you have to take into consideration the fact that the present moment is all you have and all you will ever have. The past you are now longing for – the past that you are now dreaming about – was ignored by you when it was present. Stop deluding yourself. Be present in everything you do and enjoy life. After all life is a journey not a destination. Have a clear vision for the future, prepare yourself, but always be present in the now.
14. Give up attachment
This is a concept that, for most of us is so hard to grasp and I have to tell you that it was for me too, (it still is) but it’s not something impossible. You get better and better at with time and practice. The moment you detach yourself from all things, (and that doesn’t mean you give up your love for them – because love and attachment have nothing to do with one another,  attachment comes from a place of fear, while love… well, real love is pure, kind, and self less, where there is love there can’t be fear, and because of that, attachment and love cannot coexist) you become so peaceful, so tolerant, so kind, and so serene. You will get to a place where you will be able to understand all things without even trying. A state beyond words.
15. Give up living your life to other people’s expectations
Way too many people are living a life that is not theirs to live. They live their lives according to what others think is best for them, they live their lives according to what their parents think is best for them, to what their friends, their enemies and their teachers, their government and the media think is best for them. They ignore their inner voice, that inner calling. They are so busy with pleasing everybody, with living up to other people’s expectations, that they lose control over their lives. They forget what makes them happy, what they want, what they need….and eventually they forget about themselves.  You have one life – this one right now – you must live it, own it, and especially don’t let other people’s opinions distract you from your path.


Thursday, June 7, 2012

Need for Update

I haven't updated in awhile I know.

Spring Semester did not treat me as well as I hoped. My anxiety issues came back in full force and then on top it all depression added on to it as well. I also gained some of my weight back that I have lost last summer. And also I'm now graduating in the Spring 2013.

Summer 2012

I did VBS at my old church. I was with Kindergartners and I was exhausted by the end of each of the days. Having no adult with me yesterday and my other adult never showing up. And having 3 sometimes 4 youth helpers that we're my sister's friends didn't help with 17 to 18 kids. I loved them but I'm so glad that's over.

Let's see I am working ( yeah!!!) at my old church as a sub for the pre school there. I already have worked twice in May. Then I am working 6 times in June and possibly some in July.

My grandmother passed away 2 weeks ago. I am ok. My grandfather on the other hand isn't. :(. He's my last blood grandparent left. He has been for almost 9 years now.

Let's see write now I say my life is around 7. It is average. It could be better and could be worse. I'm also not sleeping great. I have been having the weirdest dreams that keep me up. :(

Have a great weekend and maybe I will update. :)